Grandpa's Final Days

Less than a week ago, my grandfather passed away.  It's still hard for me to say those words, and even harder for me to believe they are true.  My grandfather was an amazing man.  He loved and supported all of us girls more than we ever expected us to.  He taught us to be strong, but helped pick us up when we felt weak.  He was the one constant positive male figure in my life.  He helped me realized that not ALL men walk away at some point...some of them actually stay.  He was more of a father to me than a grandfather and my heart breaks knowing that he is no longer in this world.  I spent the last week dedicated to his passing and I want to write all of that down before I forget any part of it.  As much as it hurts, it was incredibly important for me to be a part of it, and I want to remember every moment of it.  So here is what the last week of my life has looked like:

Saturday - 1/28/17
About 12:30pm my family and I were out running errands around town when my sister called me to tell me that Grandpa wasn't doing well and was going downhill quickly.  We finished getting what we needed in Michael's and I told Seth that I had to go.  I cried all the way home and had to explain to Orion why I was so upset.  When I got home, I threw random clothes in a suitcase along with my important toiletries, jumped in the car, and made the 4.5 hour drive back to my grandparents house alone.  On the way home, I had a long chat with Jaime  about life and my grandpa. It was a nice distraction.  I spent the rest of the drive listening to an audio book and trying to keep calm.  It was a VERY long drive and I arrived around 5:30pm.  When I finally got to Grandpa's house, he was semi-sleeping in his recliner.  My mom woke him up to tell him I was there.  I hugged him and he said "Oh you're a pain in the ass and always have been."  It sounds mean, I know.  Most things my grandpa says sound mean out of context, but he says it all with a laugh behind it, and we know it's his way of giving us hell and saying he loves us without actually saying it.  Within a couple hours, 6 of the 8 granddaughters and all 3 daughters were at Grandpa's house, sitting with him and taking care of Grandma.

 Grandpa was initially sitting in his recliner, but he got tired and asked that we take him to bed so my mom, my aunt, my sister and I helped move him from his recliner to a wheelchair so we could move him to bed.  Laying in bed, my aunt walked in and grandpa reached over and tried to scratch something off her jeans. I asked him if she had something on her pants and he says "Yep, spiders".  My aunt looked at her pants very confused.  Grandpa told her to keep her damn spiders to herself.  We giggled at him, but helped him lay down.  Of course, then he had to go to the bathroom so we got him back out of bed and to the bathroom before putting him back into bed, but eventually we got him laid down and my grandma crawled into bed with him.  It was very sweet because they don't actually sleep in the same room anymore, but she wanted to spend time with him.  They snuggled in bed for about an hour before Grandpa was awake again and wanted to go back to the living room with his family.  We got him out of bed and back into his wheelchair, and eventually back into his recliner in the living room.  He stayed in that chair....

Grandpa spent the rest of the evening/night dreaming/hallucinating, talking to us, and cracking jokes. He asked us how many were in the bull pen...none of us quite knew how to answer because there isn't a bullpen, so we told him that we didn't count them.  He said he didn't either and dozed back off.  He dreamed that he was building a road, so he would steer the truck and move his arms like he was moving the plow as he needed to.  At one point, someone must have been helping him because he called them over and they got their ass CHEWED.  He was not impressed with the work they were doing at all.  It was pretty entertaining.

Grandpa at some point in the evening decided he was hungry.  My sister heated up some mashed potatoes and asked if he wanted her to feed him.  He responded "hell no.  Give me my taters".  He ate a few bites of them before he started to doze off, so I took the away from him and he says "hey, those are mine!"  I told him he was gonna spill them in his lap and he said "oh ok." He then asked for some ice cream and had a couple bites of it before giving up on that too.

The rest of the night was spent giggling at his randomness and holding his hand.  He more than once tried to use my hand to feed himself.  Random quotes from the evening:

• Looking at my cousin he says "Hey, guess what.  You're in the damn way again" 
• Jesus christ that's a big pair!!
• I don't care.  They're just plum ass nasty. 
• Mom tried to give grandpa some medicine so he could sleep.  He spit it out, took the syringe from her and threw it across the room telling her "you put the damnedest things in my mouth!"
• He asked us if it was 1952 and then told someone they needed to fill a hole right over there. 
• My mother farted and he yelled "It's burning"

At some point during the evening, Orion sent me a snapchat to comfort me.  It was a picture of the TV and said "we are watching dragon ball.  What are you doing? Losing a grandpa is :( I know how you feel."  The second snap was a picture of his smiling face and said "but I love you mom".  He has the biggest heart ever.  

Sunday - 1/29/17

I stayed up with grandpa until 4am, just holding his hand and listening to his voice.  I had spent the night before dreaming about him and hearing in those dreams how important it was to hear his stories, so that's what I did...I sat there and I listened.  At 4am I went and took a nap in grandpa's bed and slept for about 3 hours.  When I woke up, I wrote this: 

"Last night I slept in grandpa's bed like I did when I was a little kid. The blankets and pillows smelled like him and it was so comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. I laid there listening to him in the living room...fighting sleep, fighting to breathe...fighting to live. I knew laying there that it was the last time the bed would ever be his bed. He's such a strong man and always has been so to see him fallen so far...his own body betraying him as his lungs fill with fluid and his body slowly shuts down...it just doesn't seem fair. "

 When I woke up at 7am, I went back into the living room and pulled my chair back up beside his and held his hand.  His breathing literally sounded like churning water as his lungs filled with liquid.  He was restless and running a fever, and had so much extra liquid in his body that his limbs were swollen and one arm was leaking water.  We tried to keep the cut bandaged, but we had to replace it regularly.  By 10am, the gurgling sound had stopped and his breathing was quiet again, as his lungs were full of water.  His breathing began to slow, taking a deep gasping breath, and then pausing for a while before gasping again.  My cousins all laughed and joked around, some even leaving the room while I called my mom over and asked Grandma to come sit with us.  Grandpa's fever broke, and I put his hand in grandma's lap and I stroked his head.  He took one more big gasp and then exhaled.....and that was the end.  It was 10:35 am.  My cousin's daughter joined us and the 4 of us cried over him for a minute before calling everyone else back into the room.  I took his oxygen tube off from around his ears and laid it on the floor.  I then picked up grandpa's hand and put it in grandma's lap, and went back to stroking his forehead and rubbing grandma's back.  We spent an hour with him, just mourning him and crying before grandma was ready to call hospice to begin his final process. My family funneled in to say their final goodbyes, and then began to fade out, either into other rooms or leaving the house completely.   

The hospice nurse showed up an hour later, and my sister and I were there to answer her questions.  He sat with her as she listened to grandpa's chest, making sure there was no heart beat.  She listened for a full minute and at 12:37 pm she marked his official time of death.  She asked us a lot of questions about grandpa that I don't remember, but I know we answered.  We made sure there was no mess to clean up, and she called the funeral home for them to come as well.  When he arrived, he sat with grandma and I at the table, scheduling the meeting time the next day to plan the actual funeral and explaining what would happen next.  At that point, nearly everyone was gone, but we asked grandma to go as well, leaving just my sister, my aunt, and me.  My aunt stayed in the kitchen, while Ashley and I again answered all of the funeral director's final questions.  Then, together with the hospice nurse and the funeral director, my sister and I helped pull grandpa's body to one side using the blanket he was laying on.  They slid a backboard under him, and we helped slide the backboard onto the cart, and escorted the cart out of the house and to the funeral director's transport vehicle.

The rest of the day passed in a blur.  I sat with grandma, looking at old pictures and pulling out the ones she wanted to use for his slide show.  There were lots of visitors, but I can't tell you who or what was said.  I spent the night there with grandma, just her and I.  I listened to her talk and can only imagine how heartbroken she must feel.  I slept again in grandpa's bed that night, snuggling into his scent and trying not to think at all.  

Monday - 1/30/17 

I woke up on Monday morning and had breakfast with grandma, just the two of us. Grandpa's empty chair was a stark reminder that he was gone.  The house seemed so quiet without his jokes and sass inside it.  My mom showed up soon after and we took grandma to the bank to look for some paperwork in her bank box.  We then went back home and gathered all the aunts together so we could make the 35 minute drive to the funeral home.  We met with the funeral director at 11 am and planned the actual funeral process.  The funeral director was great, asking questions and making the process seem much more like having a conversation than planning a funeral.  We established that the 8 granddaughters (including me) would be pallbearers and that the Legion my grandpa was so dedicated to would perform the flag ceremony and 21 gun salute.  After all was said and done, we went into the casket room and picked a simple wooden casket that looked like something grandpa would have made for him.  It took over an hour to get everything set up, but it seemed so much faster.  80 years of life and the final ceremony only takes an hour to plan?  It just doesn't seem right.  But it happened so we loaded my aunts, mother, and grandmother back into the van and as I was driving home my mother asked if I would be willing to give grandpa's eulogy.  I was honored but terrified.  Was I strong enough to do it?  What would I even say?  Mom said that I could just read the obituary if I wanted to, but I knew it had to be more personal than that.  By 2 pm I was on the road and driving back to Omaha with 100 pictures of my grandpa to scan.  I wanted to spend some time with my boys before returning for the funeral on Thursday.  It was a very long drive and this time the distracting phone call was with my uncle Troy who let me cry and helped me laugh.  I love that man.  I got home on Monday and was exhausted.   

Tuesday - 1/31/17

I woke up Tuesday morning with my boys and sent them off to work and school.  I spent my morning trying to accomplish things that just wouldn't work.  I tried to install the scanner on my computer, but it wouldn't work.  I tried to assemble the baby crib, but it wouldn't go together right and dropped it on my toe so I gave up on that too.  I had lunch with Seth, but spent the rest of the day trying to write my grandpa's eulogy.  Eventually I got something put together and it was time for my family to come home again. The evening passed very quickly, with Seth helping me get the pictures of my grandpa scanned for the funeral director, and putting the crib together.

Wednesday - 2/1/17

Wednesday morning, I sent the boys to work and school again while I tried to polish my eulogy.  I packed bags for Orion and I, and spent a little time sitting on the couch playing video games and trying to stay distracted.  As soon as school was out, I stopped to pick up Orion, and we hit the road and headed back to Wallace again.  The drive was long and uneventful, stopping to get Runza for supper.  We made it back to my mom's house where the evening was very quiet.  We all went to bed early to prep for the next morning.  Wednesday night I had a dream about removing grandpa's oxygen and when I woke up I was holding my headphones in my hand.

Thursday - 2/2/17

Thursday morning we woke up early and got ready for the funeral.  I busted out my trusty Loreal Infallible eyeliner because I refused to face the day without eyeliner.  We got ready and then my mom, Orion and I went over to grandma's house to help her out as well.  We ate some breakfast, then headed over to the community hall, where the funeral was to be held.  The room was filled with chairs and I was surprised to see they were expecting such a large crowd.  It was a happy surprise in that moment...it's nice to know that many people loved my grandpa.  I set up the photos as a display, and then found my way up front where Grandpa was waiting in the casket.  I talked with the funeral director and learned when I would talk, and what I was supposed to do.  Orion and I went up to the casket and said our goodbyes to grandpa.  Orion sat back down and cried.  I didn't expect him to be so upset, but even in his short time with grandpa, he knew what a great man he was.  We then went to meet the rest of the family and wait until it was time for us all to come over.  Time passed quickly and we were escorted back to the community hall where we were given a brief condolence talk by the funeral director, and the pall bearers were given instructions on what we were supposed to do.  Once again, we were given the opportunity to see grandpa one last time in his casket, and then we were sent back over to Linda's house to wait for the funeral.  As screwy as it sounds, I do have to say that grandpa looked really good...he looked like himself.  That was very reassuring.  Before we came back to the funeral, the casket was closed and left that way.

The Funeral
We marched into the community hall together as a family among a sea of familiar faces. We took our place at the front of the aisles and sat to listen to the kind words being said about my grandpa.  Quickly, I was called forward to say my piece.  I did my best to not just bawl, and later I was told by many people that I did well so it must have been ok.  After I was done, there was a brief slideshow (only about half of it worked) and then the funeral director talked about grandpa for the last 15 minutes.  There were lots of tears and lots of laughs.  We then walked with the casket out of the hall, and my cousins, sisters and I lifted the casket into the hearse.  We followed the hearse out to the cemetery and then carried the casket from the hearse and to the grave site.  All 12 girls laid a white rose on grandpa's casket, there was a 21 gun salute, and then taps was played (kinda).  The weather was freezing and everyone left quickly.  We returned to town where we met at the Legion hall for lunch.  There were over 100 people that met us there, which was a pleasant surprise. The day passed uneventfully, and my family spent the evening at the bar where we ate supper.  My family drank and played pool and shuffleboard while I watched the crowd and tried to keep to myself.  The day ended early and I was ok with that.  On Friday, Orion and I drove home.

My Eulogy

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Amber and I am Lloyd’s granddaughter. First, my family and I would like to thank everyone for being here today to not only pay respect to my grandfather, but also to help us celebrate the life he lived.  He would be thrilled to see so many friends and family gathered together, and would probably give us all hell for making such a big deal out of him.  When I was asked to speak today, I really didn’t know what to say. My grandpa was such an incredible man.  How do you put that into words?  How do you put 80 years of life into less than 5 minutes of talking?  It seems impossible, but I knew I wanted to try.

Anyone who knew Lloyd knew how much he loved life….how much he loved to laugh…and how much joy he brought to everyone around him.  His constant jokes, his inappropriate comments, and his infectious laugh were abundant.  Through his laughter, he taught us all so much about life and how to really live in the moment.  He also taught us the value of hard work and dedication.  He was a devoted husband, father, and grandfather.  He was our patriarch and the heart of our family.  Grandpa always worked hard to provide for his family, and gave so much of himself to those he loved.  He loved his work with the Department of Roads, but I think he loved his retirement job of working harvest even more.  He continued to work up until October, even at 80 years old.

He was also a dedicated member of this community. For years, he served on the Wallace Fire Department, was an active supporter of all the Wildcat sports, and a proud member of the American Legion.  I see members of all of those groups represented here today, and I am honored to know that he touched your lives enough to bring you here.  

To me, one of Grandpa’s finest qualities was his patience.  Being a father of three rowdy girls, and grandfather to eight more, grandpa maintained his patience so well. Even when we tormented him with our incessant giggling, or by constantly playing with that little tuft hair, he still put up with us, day after day. Throughout all of it, he teased and harassed us just as much as we picked on him, and definitely made sure his opinion was known…whether we wanted to hear it or not.

When life hit him hard, grandpa faced it with bravery and strength that surpassed any of our expectations.  He showed us how to laugh when all we wanted to do was cry.  He gave us all a sense of stability that we all needed so much.  All of us girls knew we could depend on him.  Standing on the court or sitting on the bench, we knew we could look into the stands and see his face as it smooshed together eating popcorn.  Stopping by in the summer, we knew we’d find him tinkering in the yard.  When the doors opened at Manny’s shop, we knew he’d be by soon to cause all sorts of trouble.  When harvest came around, we knew he’d be in some field, driving a combine. And when life would get hard, we knew he was there to help us get through it, and pick up the pieces.

Lloyd Lehmkuhl was an incredible man. No matter what I say, it will never be enough.  What I do know is that the world will never be the same. Grandpa, we love you so much. You taught us more about life than I think I can ever express. You loved us unconditionally, you taught us to work hard and have fun.  You will live on in all of our hearts.

Important Links
Grandpa's Obituary:  http://www.bullocklongfuneralhome.com/obituaries/Lloyd-Lehmkuhl/
Grandpa's Tribute Video: https://www.tributeslides.com/tributes/show/T4FWBSL6FJYZXYB6

I know this was a long post, so if you've read it all, thank you.  My grandpa was an incredible man and I don't ever want to forget my final moments with him, as hard as it was.