So today I was updating my blogger profile. I decided to try to get a
new "Random Question" because I was bored out of my mind, and this is
the prompt that I got: The children
are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the
wig. I thought I would throw something out there for fun, but it got a
lot longer than it should have....so here is my story!!
Once there was an incredibly vain princess. She was constantly checking
her reflection and thinking "Wow I kick a lot of ass". Her parents
were terrified that she stay single forever (or, more accurately, they
wouldn't be able to pawn her off for someone else to deal with her for a
change) because she constantly turned down every advance because she
felt that no prince was handsome enough for her time. She'd rather be
single than marry someone that she felt was "below" her! Her parents
were growing more and more annoyed with her antics, and asked her one
day to go find something to do. The girl was incredibly angry (I mean,
she was way more attractive than either of her parents could ever dream)
so she decided that she was going to run away and find her own handsome
prince, instead of dealing with the disgusting pigs her parents
continuously brought before her. She left the castle, and began walking
through the woods in a direction that she was sure would lead her to a
country she had heard held insatiable beauty, with only the clothes on
her back and a mirror in her pocket.
She quickly began to get irritated with having to walk all by herself.
Her dress was getting dirty, her hair was a mess, and she's pretty sure
that a bird had tried to poop on her deliberately! She was reaching the
point where she was ready to turn around and go home (despite the fact
that she had only been gone for 15 minutes) when walking down a path
came a very old man with a very stereotypical long white beard. The
girl noticed him, and put her nose up in the air as high as she could,
hoping the was see her great beauty and leave her alone. Instead, the
man walked directly towards her and said "Hello." The girl tried to
keep walking and pretend she didn't hear him, but he continued to walk
towards her and said "Hello" once again. With the largest, most annoyed
sigh she had ever given, the princess responded "Hello" and continued
walking, hoping he would leave her alone.
The old man continued to try to make conversation with the princess,
asking her where she was going, what she was doing in the woods alone,
and trying to tell her that it wasn't a safe place to be. The princess
was starting to get scared despite ignoring the old man's pleas for her
safety and turned back toward the castle. She began walking more and
more quickly, but the old man was still on her tail. Finally she gave
in her silence, turned around toward the man and screamed "What do you
want!??" He told her "I just want to make sure you get home safely.
The woods are not a safe place for a girl as pretty as you. I just want
your help." The princess was stunned. This old man was hitting on
her!!! She turned all of her built up anger at all the ugly people
around her and blasted it toward the old man "I am the most beautiful
princess in the entire world. I could have any handsome prince that I
wanted wrapped around my finger, and yet you think that I want YOUR
help?. You are an ugly, creepy little toad of a man and I want you to
leave me alone." The old man stood up as tall and straight as he
possibly could and said "You must have no idea who I am or your tone
would not have turned in such a manner. I'm the most powerful wizard in
the country and could make you look as hideous as me with a simple
glance. You should know, young girl, that your insides are much more
ugly than my appearance could ever be. For that, you shall never know
happiness." He turned to walk away and the princess once again shouted
after him "You're a terrible little man! There is nothing you could
ever do that would make me as ugly as you."
The old man stopped in his tracks, sighed deeply, and looked back over
the shoulder at the girl. His gaze met hers and then he continued down
the path away from the princess. As soon as the old man was out of
sight, the princess began to feel weird. Her body tingled and she felt
like she had a frog in her throat. She continued walking toward the
castle, hoping to make it home before dark. As she finally exited the
woods and could see the castle in the distance the world suddenly
swirled around her. She found herself wrapped in a warm blanket of
cloth and thought someone was trying to capture her. She worked and
struggled and fought, trying to break free of her bonds. When she
finally broke free and found the light of day, she felt incredibly
weird...almost slimy. She reached her arms up to fix her hair (which
she was sure was a disaster after that fiasco) and found instead a
smooth, bald head and let out a scream. She scrambled to reach into her
pocket to find her mirror, but as she tried to slide her hand in her
pocket she realized it wasn't there, and either were her cloths. She
looked down and saw the horrible little green body she had suddenly
obtained, with webbed toes and fingers. The young princess searched
through what she discovered to be her dress and found her mirror. She
was horrified by her reflection. She tried to walk over to the grass,
to find herself something to cover up both her body and her hideous
head. She made herself a tiny dress out of leaves, and a little green
wig out of grass.
I would love to say that this story has a happy ending, but that would
be a lie. The princess never learned her lesson. Instead, she found a
group of frogs that she thought were much uglier than her and declared
herself her princess. She's still there today. If you're walking
through the woods one day and see a castle in the distance, look along
the path and you just may find the very vain frog princess, in a little
green dress and tiny grass wig, sitting on the side of the road and
staring at you like she thinks that you are even more hideous than she
is.
