Cold Blustery December

I haven't written in a few days because I wasn't sure what to say. Some days the words come easily and naturally, and others they feel completely forced. Lately it has all seemed forced. I don't know if I'm coming or going, and my temper has often gotten the best of me because of it. The family Christmas is coming which brings up a whole lot of issues for me, both family, spiritually, and personally. It brings up old memories, both good and bad. Sometimes it tears open an old scar that I thought was completely healed. Other times it will lay to rest something I thought would still hurt. I don't know if it makes any sense at all, but that seems to be a recurrent pattern with me as of late. Oh well. I suppose I should probably leave it at that until I can get my thoughts together. Just thought I'd say that I am still here and alive...just looking for my muse.

A Little Brighter

Today has been a good day. I have been busy as hell and running around like a crazy person, but my mood is definitely lifted and for that I am grateful. Maybe it's because it is Thursday, or because tomorrow my husband and I are going to have our first night out just the 2 of us since my son was born nine months ago. I honestly don't know, but I also honestly don't care. Despite the hustle and bustle of the holiday season (and the fact that our families are both completely nutso) I am incredibly grateful for my amazing life. I truly believe that my hubby and I are providing a much greater life for our son than either of us had in our childhoods. Oddly enough, it almost seems dysfunctional to me to have been together for as long as we have and to still like each other. And not only "like" each other, but absolute love! I mean, I still want to spend every day with him, even after nearly a decade together. He's given me a life that I know I wouldn't have without him, not to mention my absolutely amazing little boy! I guess the easiest way to say it is that today I woke up feeling like all is right in my little tiny bubble in the world. (now I'm going to go crawl in my hole and hide because I DREAD the evil that lurks at the very corners of my admittance that things are going well)