Asylum Nights

Today it finally feels like spring may be here. The sunshine was much needed after a long night of nightmares and overwhelming thoughts. Today I felt alive and awake. I spent my lunch hour sitting n the grass, bare foot, painting my nails and it felt amazing.I can't wait for spring to decide to stay around.
Last nights nightmare was so vivid that it made it impossible to go back to sleep. I have never fully understood why my dreams seem so terrifying at the time but then seem ridiculous to be scared of in the daylight.

 Here is the gist of last night's dream:

Me and a man went to investigate a haunting at an asylum. It was supposedly haunted by a little evil girl. From what I could gather the asylum was still in use.  Either that or the apparitions were so vivid that I couldn't tell the difference between the living and the dead. We were doing a walk-through of the building when we came to a room where there is a small girl sitting on a doctor's table with a short bob hair cut and bangs. Her hair was a dirty blonde and she had huge brown eyes. She was in a faded blue hospital gown. An old male doctor was examining her. He had a stethoscope held to her chest and was listening to it.  He looked at the man with me and called him over, asking for his assistance.  The man I was with walked over and stood next to the girl.  The doctor worked his stethoscope across the little girls chest towards the man and then started listening to the man's chest.  He pulled the man in front of the little girl and I saw her get on her knees behind him and begin to whisper in his ear.  She looked at me as she whispered but the man didn't react at all.  It was almost as if he couldn't hear her.  The entire time she just stared at me with her huge dark eyes.  Eventually she stopped, smirked at me, hopped off the table, and left the room in the opposite direction from where we came in.  The doctor finished with the man and we decided to call the search off for the night.  Apparently we were staying in the hospital because our room looked like any room in an asylum with just a bed, but the bed was a queen sized one with one large navy blue blanket.  We laid down to sleep.  At one point while I was sleeping I was dragged to the foot of the bed and woke up laying sideways in the bed clear at the foot.  I tried to pull my blanket back up but it was like something was fighting me.  I searched the room and saw nothing and finally it was almost like it let go so I scrambled to the head of the bed once again.  The man next to me never stirred.  I laid down beside him once again and turned so my back was pressed up against him and I could see the wall next to the bed and closed my eyes.  A short time later I woke up again, only this time it was because I could hear whispering.  I opened my eyes and the little girl from the examining room was standing next to my bed, only her blonde hair had turned black and she had a red and black light that seemed to glow from around her eyes, almost like an incredibly bright eyeliner.  She once again smirked at me and just walked out the door without ever touching me.  As soon as she left the door slammed shut and the entire room began to shake.  The bed lifted off the ground and the man beside me finally woke up, screaming.  He had been sleeping on his stomach and when he rolled over I saw tiny letters carved into the flesh of his stomach and chest.  The bed hit the floor....


and at this point I woke up for real.  The rest of the night was sleepless, but looking back it doesn't really seem all that bad.....

Uncertainty

Things really never do end up how you seem.  Sometimes things fall apart when you least expect it...or maybe just fall into place in way you weren't expecting.  Sometimes it feels like everything is shattered and you don't know how to pick up the pieces.  Other times it seems more like it melts into an indistinguishable puddle.   I guess that's what the uncertainty of life is all about.  It's that unknown that can drive a person crazy.  The wondering and considering...the not knowing the effect of everything...*sigh* I wish I had all the answers, or even some of them.  I'd be happy with some sort of guidance in the right direction.  A helpful word telling me that I wasn't just making a mess of everything would be fine.  Instead we're all stuck trying to figure out a recipe when we aren't even sure what the right ingredients are or if we even have them.