The Eve

Each year in the past I have made the trip home to spend Christmas with my family. This year that just wasn't really an option.  So while I would normally be surrounded by noisy giggling family members,  today was instead spent at home with my little family. We didn't do much of anything... Sat around watching movies and playing video games.  For the first time ever I made home made egg noodles and made beef and noodles.  Earlier this weekend I went all out and made an entire turkey feast. It has been my goal to make things seem like a real holiday.  I enjoy taking care of my family,  but it hasn't been easy.  It's hard to not be with my family when it is what I am so used to.  There is comfort in that place despite it not being a happy place all the time. It's hard to explain it and probably makes me sound crazy.  I love my life but it still feels like something is missing to not be celebrating the holidays with my sisters or my mom.  Tonight we took Orion to see the Christmas lights down town and he was so excited that it definitely helped lift my spirits a bit.  The amount of joy that he brings just makes the world a brighter place. I hope that enthusiasm for life never fades from him.  We drove until he fell asleep and now I sit at home in the blue glow of my tree,  listening on as Seth shares random music with his younger sister.  Life isn't always what I expect it to be,  but I try to make it the very best I can.

Snow and thunder

Today is the first real snow storm of the year.  We have gone 290 days without snow and I can't say that I missed it.  Being someone who commutes to work, snow means longer and more dangerous travel,  neither of which I'm a fan.  I'm hoping that there is enough snow to cancel work and not just enough to make things slippery and terrible.  Right now I'm sitting in the living room,  watching ninja turtles with my son,  and listening to the thunder as the snow piles up outside.  It sounds like spring but opening the door quickly breaks that illusion.  Here is hoping that everyone is safe and warm,  and that is get to sleep in tomorrow.

Suddenly December

Last time I checked in here, things were heading toward change.  That time came and went and I'm finally settling into a new routine. I got myself, my son, and my stuff all moved into the new house. It's been a bit of a transition, but things have gone much more smoothly than I had anticipated that it would.

I have to admit, sometimes it still scares the crap out of me.  I know this is what I want to do and what I need to do, but that does not make it any less intimidating.  I've been hurt, but I'm learning to forgive and move on.  That is most definitely not my strong suite, but I'm trying.  Overall though, I'm so ecstatic to have my family back that I can't even begin to explain it.   I've made the decision (as if I weren't busy enough) that I'm going to go back to trying to blog a couple times a week.

Oh Broken Jukebox

When I woke up this morning singing "Smooth Sexy Monkey" by Machine Gun Fellatio I knew it was the kind of day that requires me to track the mental soundtrack. While brushing my teeth the song ringing through my head was "Bohemian Rhapsody." 

I made it to work without too much activity...probably since I was actively listening to the radio...however, sitting at work a co-worker walked in and said "another day in paradise right?"  Of course that sparked "Another Day in Paradise" by Phil Collins. 

Randomly Volbeat starts to play "I'm So Lonely I Could Cry" out of no where and I begin to question my sanity.  

I dig through my brain to try to remember the original singer of the song.  Before I can get there the SuckerPunch soundtrack takes over and I'm singing along to "White Rabbit" by Emiliana Torrini all before lunch.  It quickly merges with Johnny Cash "If You Could Read My Mind."  Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes welcomes me "Home" and the idea seems quite nice.  I sit at my desk, staring out the window, and suddenly I find myself singing "How Does a Duck Know" by Crash Test Dummies.  

Blue October wants me to be "Independently Happy" but sometimes that is easier said than done.  However, Deaf Pedestrians are saying "Hail To the Geek" so I can't complain too hard.  Especially since Amanda Palmer wants to "Do it with a Rock Star." 

I'm sure the broken jukebox in my head will continue to be sporadic and unexpected throughout the day.  Who knows where it will take us next.

New Beginnings

The last six months of my life have been a whirlwind to say the very least.  Because of that I've migrated a few of the posts form the past (maybe 10% of them?) and am going to be starting over with a brand new blog.  Today is as good a day as any to start over.  So what have I been up to you ask?  Well, let's make this photo intense.  Pictures speak louder than words right?......

 I was blonde for a while and made a costume for Pirate Festival!

I enjoyed some quality berry-picking time.  

We took a trip to the Wildlife Safari.

Went to a concert with my parents!

Visited Indian Caves.....

I spent some time in Kansas with my little sister...

I was a red-head again and went to Chicago for the first time!

We went to the Rainforest Cafe.  I've loved these places since I was a kid so it was awesome to get to share it with my son!

We blew things up for the 4th of July...

And then went to an Icon for Hire concert where we were able to meet and hangout with the band!

We played dress-up more than humanly necessary.

And Orion played photographer for geese and momma's legs

We got to go watch Bill Nye give a speech (which was AWESOME!). 

I tried to eat Sushi....and almost barfed (Ok, so I'm not totally grown up yet).

I rode a motorcycle!

Went to the pumpkin patch

And spent some quality time in nature.

I learned about hair chalking and probably did it more often than an adult should do.

And had a great Halloween dressed as a Pirate.



So as you can see, life has been full of adventures, and they just keep coming.  My birthday is just around the corner (I've got my eye on a few b-day tiaras!) and Thanksgiving will be here before I know it.  In other big news, I will be re-locating to the big city.  It's a pretty major change, but one that is necessary.  We have decided to try to get the family back together, and that means...well...getting the family back together.  It's a pretty big deal but I'm really excited (and nervous as hell).  Who knows what the future holds? 

People Watching

It always amazes me how much you can learn from people watching.  Sitting in a public place, just listening, people tend to forget you exist.  You hear their personal drama, woes, and misfortunes broadcast through one ended phone conversations and blasted through carrying voices.  Things are said in the company of strangers that most wouldn't share with anyone but their closest friends.  I realize that the "polite" thing to do is to tune them out, but you can't really be faulted for the things that you overhear.  It isn't as if I'm hiding in the bushes or sneaking around the corner.  Sitting in plain site or just walking down the street you can overhear things about strangers that you wouldn't care to know about family.

I've heard stories of secret love and romance, squishy words shared between a couple that is nauseatingly sweet.  I've listened as a woman shared her most recent bout of VERY "personal" problems with someone unknown on the phone.  I've heard admissions of secrets and woeful stories of regret.  I've caught whispered words shared within earshot of dozens of strangers.  I think part of it is as society we've become so self-involved that we don't always notice the people around us.  It's a world where it isn't uncommon to know the names of your neighbors, so why would a random stranger on the street be of any concern?  I admit that part of this project is counter-active to that self-indulgent side of society...being totally selfish in it's format.  On the other side though, I'm sharing myself and my story with the world.  Maybe that balances things out?  Who knows.

Spring Fever

Mondays are a time for new beginnings.  At least that's what I tell myself when 6am comes way too early and I have to crawl out of bed for another adventure in the working world.  Adult life is a vicious cycle sometimes, waking up early and hoping for the week to pass quickly so we can once again encounter the divine weekend...only to see our goal flash by way too quickly.  Lather, rinse, repeat. Part of me relishes that security and monotony.  The cyclical repetition makes things predictable and safe.  I appreciate that, especially during times where the rest of the world seems to be falling apart.  On the other hand, a small part of me misses the freedom of childhood.  I think I have spring fever desperately and want to escape for a little while.  I don't need any specific plans, but a brief moment where I can just relax would be spectacular. I find myself daydreaming of times when I could soak up the sun while lounging in a random body of water and hoping for that much needed escape.  I know the heat of summer will be here before I know it followed all too soon by the chill of fall.  It's a constant internal battle.  Part of me wants to jump forward, but the other part clings to the present hoping not to miss a second of it.  I guess that's the life of an adult.  Wanting to make it through everything in the right time frame...whatever that may be.  For now I'll just enjoy what I have while I've got it.  The weather is still cool and refreshing, Orion is a beacon of eternal joy, and life overall seems to be ok.  Tomorrow is another brand new day.  Who knows what it has waiting in the wings for me.  I'm looking forward and will meet the challenges head on.