New Year's Eve

The new year is literally minutes away at this point.  The last year has brought me a very different life in a new house and a new city.  My job has stayed the same but pretty much everything else has been turned slightly on its head.  While it is occasionally frightening,  it has been quite a blessing at the same time.  My son has grown and developed into a handsome,  polite,  intelligent boy.  My job,  while needlessly painful at times,  is still some place I generally enjoy.  And my life... Well... I'm happy.  That alone is a major improvement. I am sitting on the couch,  watching someone I love a great deal play a silly game, while we share a bottle of wine and while there is no excitement... There is no where I would rather be in this moment. 

For me,  this has been a year of forgiveness and change.  It had been a year of healing and growth.  It hadn't been perfect,  but I'm a better person for having lived it.  That's about all I can really ask.  I genuinely hope the next year can be one of joy and stability both for myself and all of you. I know I still have a lot of growing to do,  but for the first time in a very long time I'm not afraid.  Happy New Year to you all.  May the next year be everything you hope it may be. 

The Eve

Each year in the past I have made the trip home to spend Christmas with my family. This year that just wasn't really an option.  So while I would normally be surrounded by noisy giggling family members,  today was instead spent at home with my little family. We didn't do much of anything... Sat around watching movies and playing video games.  For the first time ever I made home made egg noodles and made beef and noodles.  Earlier this weekend I went all out and made an entire turkey feast. It has been my goal to make things seem like a real holiday.  I enjoy taking care of my family,  but it hasn't been easy.  It's hard to not be with my family when it is what I am so used to.  There is comfort in that place despite it not being a happy place all the time. It's hard to explain it and probably makes me sound crazy.  I love my life but it still feels like something is missing to not be celebrating the holidays with my sisters or my mom.  Tonight we took Orion to see the Christmas lights down town and he was so excited that it definitely helped lift my spirits a bit.  The amount of joy that he brings just makes the world a brighter place. I hope that enthusiasm for life never fades from him.  We drove until he fell asleep and now I sit at home in the blue glow of my tree,  listening on as Seth shares random music with his younger sister.  Life isn't always what I expect it to be,  but I try to make it the very best I can.