Words

Spoken word has never been my strong suite.  It's easier for me to communicate if I can write things out, proofread, and make sure what I'm saying makes sense.  Otherwise I stutter and I stammer and I second guess my words. A vast majority of the time I end up saying something that I regret saying or I say things in a way that just doesn't make sense or doesn't accurately portray what I'm trying to say.  I think most of the time it's an issue where my brain can't adequately come up with words to explain how I'm feeling or what I'm thinking.  It's like.....how do you put into words something like love?  That overwhelming desire....that heart ache.  You can say so much with just a look but, at the same time, there is a level of pain associated with not hearing those simple words.  To look at someone and desperately want to tell them how much you care about them and to be terrified that they won't say it back.  To see someone and know in your heart that what you want to say is "I love you" but instead when they catch you staring all you can do is smile.  Fear is crippling sometimes.  Getting past that fear is almost always necessary.  Unfortunately it's a lot easier said than done.  It's easier to just pretend that things are ok, to not put yourself out there to be vulnerable.  Easier to stand proud and refuse to give in.  Sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone to do things to make your life better.  Deciding between the two is where things get difficult.  Should I stay in my shell, safe and protected, not knowing what the future holds, or do I open myself up to be vulnerable with the potential of being hurt, where there is also a possibility of inexplicable joy.  I guess we'll see.