Grandpa's Final Days

Less than a week ago, my grandfather passed away.  It's still hard for me to say those words, and even harder for me to believe they are true.  My grandfather was an amazing man.  He loved and supported all of us girls more than we ever expected us to.  He taught us to be strong, but helped pick us up when we felt weak.  He was the one constant positive male figure in my life.  He helped me realized that not ALL men walk away at some point...some of them actually stay.  He was more of a father to me than a grandfather and my heart breaks knowing that he is no longer in this world.  I spent the last week dedicated to his passing and I want to write all of that down before I forget any part of it.  As much as it hurts, it was incredibly important for me to be a part of it, and I want to remember every moment of it.  So here is what the last week of my life has looked like:

Saturday - 1/28/17
About 12:30pm my family and I were out running errands around town when my sister called me to tell me that Grandpa wasn't doing well and was going downhill quickly.  We finished getting what we needed in Michael's and I told Seth that I had to go.  I cried all the way home and had to explain to Orion why I was so upset.  When I got home, I threw random clothes in a suitcase along with my important toiletries, jumped in the car, and made the 4.5 hour drive back to my grandparents house alone.  On the way home, I had a long chat with Jaime  about life and my grandpa. It was a nice distraction.  I spent the rest of the drive listening to an audio book and trying to keep calm.  It was a VERY long drive and I arrived around 5:30pm.  When I finally got to Grandpa's house, he was semi-sleeping in his recliner.  My mom woke him up to tell him I was there.  I hugged him and he said "Oh you're a pain in the ass and always have been."  It sounds mean, I know.  Most things my grandpa says sound mean out of context, but he says it all with a laugh behind it, and we know it's his way of giving us hell and saying he loves us without actually saying it.  Within a couple hours, 6 of the 8 granddaughters and all 3 daughters were at Grandpa's house, sitting with him and taking care of Grandma.

 Grandpa was initially sitting in his recliner, but he got tired and asked that we take him to bed so my mom, my aunt, my sister and I helped move him from his recliner to a wheelchair so we could move him to bed.  Laying in bed, my aunt walked in and grandpa reached over and tried to scratch something off her jeans. I asked him if she had something on her pants and he says "Yep, spiders".  My aunt looked at her pants very confused.  Grandpa told her to keep her damn spiders to herself.  We giggled at him, but helped him lay down.  Of course, then he had to go to the bathroom so we got him back out of bed and to the bathroom before putting him back into bed, but eventually we got him laid down and my grandma crawled into bed with him.  It was very sweet because they don't actually sleep in the same room anymore, but she wanted to spend time with him.  They snuggled in bed for about an hour before Grandpa was awake again and wanted to go back to the living room with his family.  We got him out of bed and back into his wheelchair, and eventually back into his recliner in the living room.  He stayed in that chair....

Grandpa spent the rest of the evening/night dreaming/hallucinating, talking to us, and cracking jokes. He asked us how many were in the bull pen...none of us quite knew how to answer because there isn't a bullpen, so we told him that we didn't count them.  He said he didn't either and dozed back off.  He dreamed that he was building a road, so he would steer the truck and move his arms like he was moving the plow as he needed to.  At one point, someone must have been helping him because he called them over and they got their ass CHEWED.  He was not impressed with the work they were doing at all.  It was pretty entertaining.

Grandpa at some point in the evening decided he was hungry.  My sister heated up some mashed potatoes and asked if he wanted her to feed him.  He responded "hell no.  Give me my taters".  He ate a few bites of them before he started to doze off, so I took the away from him and he says "hey, those are mine!"  I told him he was gonna spill them in his lap and he said "oh ok." He then asked for some ice cream and had a couple bites of it before giving up on that too.

The rest of the night was spent giggling at his randomness and holding his hand.  He more than once tried to use my hand to feed himself.  Random quotes from the evening:

• Looking at my cousin he says "Hey, guess what.  You're in the damn way again" 
• Jesus christ that's a big pair!!
• I don't care.  They're just plum ass nasty. 
• Mom tried to give grandpa some medicine so he could sleep.  He spit it out, took the syringe from her and threw it across the room telling her "you put the damnedest things in my mouth!"
• He asked us if it was 1952 and then told someone they needed to fill a hole right over there. 
• My mother farted and he yelled "It's burning"

At some point during the evening, Orion sent me a snapchat to comfort me.  It was a picture of the TV and said "we are watching dragon ball.  What are you doing? Losing a grandpa is :( I know how you feel."  The second snap was a picture of his smiling face and said "but I love you mom".  He has the biggest heart ever.  

Sunday - 1/29/17

I stayed up with grandpa until 4am, just holding his hand and listening to his voice.  I had spent the night before dreaming about him and hearing in those dreams how important it was to hear his stories, so that's what I did...I sat there and I listened.  At 4am I went and took a nap in grandpa's bed and slept for about 3 hours.  When I woke up, I wrote this: 

"Last night I slept in grandpa's bed like I did when I was a little kid. The blankets and pillows smelled like him and it was so comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. I laid there listening to him in the living room...fighting sleep, fighting to breathe...fighting to live. I knew laying there that it was the last time the bed would ever be his bed. He's such a strong man and always has been so to see him fallen so far...his own body betraying him as his lungs fill with fluid and his body slowly shuts down...it just doesn't seem fair. "

 When I woke up at 7am, I went back into the living room and pulled my chair back up beside his and held his hand.  His breathing literally sounded like churning water as his lungs filled with liquid.  He was restless and running a fever, and had so much extra liquid in his body that his limbs were swollen and one arm was leaking water.  We tried to keep the cut bandaged, but we had to replace it regularly.  By 10am, the gurgling sound had stopped and his breathing was quiet again, as his lungs were full of water.  His breathing began to slow, taking a deep gasping breath, and then pausing for a while before gasping again.  My cousins all laughed and joked around, some even leaving the room while I called my mom over and asked Grandma to come sit with us.  Grandpa's fever broke, and I put his hand in grandma's lap and I stroked his head.  He took one more big gasp and then exhaled.....and that was the end.  It was 10:35 am.  My cousin's daughter joined us and the 4 of us cried over him for a minute before calling everyone else back into the room.  I took his oxygen tube off from around his ears and laid it on the floor.  I then picked up grandpa's hand and put it in grandma's lap, and went back to stroking his forehead and rubbing grandma's back.  We spent an hour with him, just mourning him and crying before grandma was ready to call hospice to begin his final process. My family funneled in to say their final goodbyes, and then began to fade out, either into other rooms or leaving the house completely.   

The hospice nurse showed up an hour later, and my sister and I were there to answer her questions.  He sat with her as she listened to grandpa's chest, making sure there was no heart beat.  She listened for a full minute and at 12:37 pm she marked his official time of death.  She asked us a lot of questions about grandpa that I don't remember, but I know we answered.  We made sure there was no mess to clean up, and she called the funeral home for them to come as well.  When he arrived, he sat with grandma and I at the table, scheduling the meeting time the next day to plan the actual funeral and explaining what would happen next.  At that point, nearly everyone was gone, but we asked grandma to go as well, leaving just my sister, my aunt, and me.  My aunt stayed in the kitchen, while Ashley and I again answered all of the funeral director's final questions.  Then, together with the hospice nurse and the funeral director, my sister and I helped pull grandpa's body to one side using the blanket he was laying on.  They slid a backboard under him, and we helped slide the backboard onto the cart, and escorted the cart out of the house and to the funeral director's transport vehicle.

The rest of the day passed in a blur.  I sat with grandma, looking at old pictures and pulling out the ones she wanted to use for his slide show.  There were lots of visitors, but I can't tell you who or what was said.  I spent the night there with grandma, just her and I.  I listened to her talk and can only imagine how heartbroken she must feel.  I slept again in grandpa's bed that night, snuggling into his scent and trying not to think at all.  

Monday - 1/30/17 

I woke up on Monday morning and had breakfast with grandma, just the two of us. Grandpa's empty chair was a stark reminder that he was gone.  The house seemed so quiet without his jokes and sass inside it.  My mom showed up soon after and we took grandma to the bank to look for some paperwork in her bank box.  We then went back home and gathered all the aunts together so we could make the 35 minute drive to the funeral home.  We met with the funeral director at 11 am and planned the actual funeral process.  The funeral director was great, asking questions and making the process seem much more like having a conversation than planning a funeral.  We established that the 8 granddaughters (including me) would be pallbearers and that the Legion my grandpa was so dedicated to would perform the flag ceremony and 21 gun salute.  After all was said and done, we went into the casket room and picked a simple wooden casket that looked like something grandpa would have made for him.  It took over an hour to get everything set up, but it seemed so much faster.  80 years of life and the final ceremony only takes an hour to plan?  It just doesn't seem right.  But it happened so we loaded my aunts, mother, and grandmother back into the van and as I was driving home my mother asked if I would be willing to give grandpa's eulogy.  I was honored but terrified.  Was I strong enough to do it?  What would I even say?  Mom said that I could just read the obituary if I wanted to, but I knew it had to be more personal than that.  By 2 pm I was on the road and driving back to Omaha with 100 pictures of my grandpa to scan.  I wanted to spend some time with my boys before returning for the funeral on Thursday.  It was a very long drive and this time the distracting phone call was with my uncle Troy who let me cry and helped me laugh.  I love that man.  I got home on Monday and was exhausted.   

Tuesday - 1/31/17

I woke up Tuesday morning with my boys and sent them off to work and school.  I spent my morning trying to accomplish things that just wouldn't work.  I tried to install the scanner on my computer, but it wouldn't work.  I tried to assemble the baby crib, but it wouldn't go together right and dropped it on my toe so I gave up on that too.  I had lunch with Seth, but spent the rest of the day trying to write my grandpa's eulogy.  Eventually I got something put together and it was time for my family to come home again. The evening passed very quickly, with Seth helping me get the pictures of my grandpa scanned for the funeral director, and putting the crib together.

Wednesday - 2/1/17

Wednesday morning, I sent the boys to work and school again while I tried to polish my eulogy.  I packed bags for Orion and I, and spent a little time sitting on the couch playing video games and trying to stay distracted.  As soon as school was out, I stopped to pick up Orion, and we hit the road and headed back to Wallace again.  The drive was long and uneventful, stopping to get Runza for supper.  We made it back to my mom's house where the evening was very quiet.  We all went to bed early to prep for the next morning.  Wednesday night I had a dream about removing grandpa's oxygen and when I woke up I was holding my headphones in my hand.

Thursday - 2/2/17

Thursday morning we woke up early and got ready for the funeral.  I busted out my trusty Loreal Infallible eyeliner because I refused to face the day without eyeliner.  We got ready and then my mom, Orion and I went over to grandma's house to help her out as well.  We ate some breakfast, then headed over to the community hall, where the funeral was to be held.  The room was filled with chairs and I was surprised to see they were expecting such a large crowd.  It was a happy surprise in that moment...it's nice to know that many people loved my grandpa.  I set up the photos as a display, and then found my way up front where Grandpa was waiting in the casket.  I talked with the funeral director and learned when I would talk, and what I was supposed to do.  Orion and I went up to the casket and said our goodbyes to grandpa.  Orion sat back down and cried.  I didn't expect him to be so upset, but even in his short time with grandpa, he knew what a great man he was.  We then went to meet the rest of the family and wait until it was time for us all to come over.  Time passed quickly and we were escorted back to the community hall where we were given a brief condolence talk by the funeral director, and the pall bearers were given instructions on what we were supposed to do.  Once again, we were given the opportunity to see grandpa one last time in his casket, and then we were sent back over to Linda's house to wait for the funeral.  As screwy as it sounds, I do have to say that grandpa looked really good...he looked like himself.  That was very reassuring.  Before we came back to the funeral, the casket was closed and left that way.

The Funeral
We marched into the community hall together as a family among a sea of familiar faces. We took our place at the front of the aisles and sat to listen to the kind words being said about my grandpa.  Quickly, I was called forward to say my piece.  I did my best to not just bawl, and later I was told by many people that I did well so it must have been ok.  After I was done, there was a brief slideshow (only about half of it worked) and then the funeral director talked about grandpa for the last 15 minutes.  There were lots of tears and lots of laughs.  We then walked with the casket out of the hall, and my cousins, sisters and I lifted the casket into the hearse.  We followed the hearse out to the cemetery and then carried the casket from the hearse and to the grave site.  All 12 girls laid a white rose on grandpa's casket, there was a 21 gun salute, and then taps was played (kinda).  The weather was freezing and everyone left quickly.  We returned to town where we met at the Legion hall for lunch.  There were over 100 people that met us there, which was a pleasant surprise. The day passed uneventfully, and my family spent the evening at the bar where we ate supper.  My family drank and played pool and shuffleboard while I watched the crowd and tried to keep to myself.  The day ended early and I was ok with that.  On Friday, Orion and I drove home.

My Eulogy

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Amber and I am Lloyd’s granddaughter. First, my family and I would like to thank everyone for being here today to not only pay respect to my grandfather, but also to help us celebrate the life he lived.  He would be thrilled to see so many friends and family gathered together, and would probably give us all hell for making such a big deal out of him.  When I was asked to speak today, I really didn’t know what to say. My grandpa was such an incredible man.  How do you put that into words?  How do you put 80 years of life into less than 5 minutes of talking?  It seems impossible, but I knew I wanted to try.

Anyone who knew Lloyd knew how much he loved life….how much he loved to laugh…and how much joy he brought to everyone around him.  His constant jokes, his inappropriate comments, and his infectious laugh were abundant.  Through his laughter, he taught us all so much about life and how to really live in the moment.  He also taught us the value of hard work and dedication.  He was a devoted husband, father, and grandfather.  He was our patriarch and the heart of our family.  Grandpa always worked hard to provide for his family, and gave so much of himself to those he loved.  He loved his work with the Department of Roads, but I think he loved his retirement job of working harvest even more.  He continued to work up until October, even at 80 years old.

He was also a dedicated member of this community. For years, he served on the Wallace Fire Department, was an active supporter of all the Wildcat sports, and a proud member of the American Legion.  I see members of all of those groups represented here today, and I am honored to know that he touched your lives enough to bring you here.  

To me, one of Grandpa’s finest qualities was his patience.  Being a father of three rowdy girls, and grandfather to eight more, grandpa maintained his patience so well. Even when we tormented him with our incessant giggling, or by constantly playing with that little tuft hair, he still put up with us, day after day. Throughout all of it, he teased and harassed us just as much as we picked on him, and definitely made sure his opinion was known…whether we wanted to hear it or not.

When life hit him hard, grandpa faced it with bravery and strength that surpassed any of our expectations.  He showed us how to laugh when all we wanted to do was cry.  He gave us all a sense of stability that we all needed so much.  All of us girls knew we could depend on him.  Standing on the court or sitting on the bench, we knew we could look into the stands and see his face as it smooshed together eating popcorn.  Stopping by in the summer, we knew we’d find him tinkering in the yard.  When the doors opened at Manny’s shop, we knew he’d be by soon to cause all sorts of trouble.  When harvest came around, we knew he’d be in some field, driving a combine. And when life would get hard, we knew he was there to help us get through it, and pick up the pieces.

Lloyd Lehmkuhl was an incredible man. No matter what I say, it will never be enough.  What I do know is that the world will never be the same. Grandpa, we love you so much. You taught us more about life than I think I can ever express. You loved us unconditionally, you taught us to work hard and have fun.  You will live on in all of our hearts.

Important Links
Grandpa's Obituary:  http://www.bullocklongfuneralhome.com/obituaries/Lloyd-Lehmkuhl/
Grandpa's Tribute Video: https://www.tributeslides.com/tributes/show/T4FWBSL6FJYZXYB6

I know this was a long post, so if you've read it all, thank you.  My grandpa was an incredible man and I don't ever want to forget my final moments with him, as hard as it was.

2014 Books

1.  The Crocodile's Jaws by Mainak Dhar (1/1-5)

This is the 7th book in the Alice and Deadland series.  I love the twist of Wonderland and zombies, so I love this series.  This book explores a new part of the world, and a new danger...the Crocodil drug.  It wasn't my favorite story line, but the growth of Bunny Ears, her zombie companion, is fantastic and I love his character more with each book.  Overall, I look forward to the continuation of this story and seeing where the series takes us next. 

2.  Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn (1/6)

I read my first Gillian Flynn book last year, with Gone Girl.  That book was a total head game, so I decided to try to see if all of her books ran along that same path.  This book finds a reporter back in her home town during an active murder investigation, trying to get the story before it becomes national news.  The story is DARK and a completely messed up concept in the first place, but it also is a mind fuck like the previous book was.  It is a book that I probably won't read again, and I'm not sure I'd recommend it to anyone, especially someone fragile, but I kind of like the messed up stories that Flynn creates.  However, I hated almost every decision the main character made throughout the book.  Overall, it was fucked up, but I still enjoyed it...not sure what that says about me.  

3.  City of Bones (Mortal Instruments) by Cassandra Clare (1/7-13)

This is the first book I have ever ready by Cassandra Clare, and I ended up enjoying the book more than I originally thought I would.  It did take me up until about half way through the book to really get into it, but that is because Clare uses an extreme amount of detail in describing every single item, person, and action throughout the book.  The first half was a struggle to read, but I read the second half in less than 24 hours so it definitely improves.  I am definitely considering reading the next piece in this series sometime soon! This book is an urban fantasy novel about a teenage girl who finds a secret world and tries to find her way into that world.  There are demons, werewolves, vampires, witches, and pretty much everything else you can imagine.  And of course, lots of fighting and magic all around.  I'd definitely say it's worth the read...stick with it through the first half and you'll enjoy it!

4.  Storm Front by Jim Butcher (1/13-1/17)

The first in the Dresden Files series, this book introduces you to Harry Dresden, a modern wizard and detective.  He works to solve supernatural crimes with the use of magic.  In this one, it's magical murders that require his knowledge and understanding to solve.  There are vampires, wizards, witches, demons, and fairies...who knows what we will see in future books.  I have tried to read this book multiple times, but always got distracted half-way through.  However, I finally managed to finish it and regret waiting so long.  I loved this book and am definitely excited to start on the next one. The characters are interesting and well developed and I really look forward to seeing what this series has in store. I would definitely recommend this story to anyone who enjoys Urban Fantasy.

5.  Joyland by Stephen King (1/17 - 1/20)

This is the first new Stephen King book I have read in a while and I have to say that I still love him just as much as I always have.  The story focuses on a young man who spends a summer working at a carnival.  This is not a typical Stephen King horror novel, but is instead a mystery novel that leads you to believe in the supernatural.  I really enjoyed the characters in this book and was sad to see it end.  SK will always hold a special place in my heart, and this book was definitely not a let down.


6.  Fool Moon by Jim Butcher (1/15 - 1/25)

The more I have read of the Dresden series, the more I enjoy it.  Fool Moon brings Harry Dresden into battle with the local werewolf tribes.  Many people have said this was not their favorite Dresden book, but I thoroughly enjoyed the different werewolf lore that he incorporates, and the interaction between different mythical creatures and different genres, ranging from demons to vampires and from werewolves to fairies.  The world that Jim Butcher has created is fantastic and I look forward to reading more of this series.


7.  Executable by John Conroy (1/21 - 2/9)

This story lives in the same universe as the rest of the Demon Accord series, but follows two different characters than the rest of the book.  It took me a while to figure out who the two main characters were and why they were being discussed in this series, but eventually the story does intersect with the previous story line and it begins to make more sense.  It's interesting to see the original characters from a different perspective, and the two characters in this story are very interesting.  I'm not quite sure I like the placement of this story though as it seems to break the flow of the original story line.  It's worth reading, but is a bit awkward if you read the books in order.

8.  Grave Peril by Jim Butcher (1/25 - 2/10)

Once I got into this book, I really enjoyed it.  I have been listening to the Dresden series in audiobook form and just really like listening to the way that the story is told.  The characters are dynamic and spark emotion, and the story is interesting and different than many others.  My love for Urban Fantasy grows with each one of these novels.  I am glad there are so many of them available, because I'm not yet ready to be done with Dresden!

9.  Doctor Sleep by Stephen King (2/10 - 3/1)

Stephen King is still the master of horror.  As my favorite author, I'm probably biased, but even after all these years he can still tell a story that draws in my attention and keeps me locked in until the end.  I also appreciated seeing what happened to the characters from The Shining after the fact.  This book is definitely worth a read, especially if you liked the Shining!


10.  Summer Knight by Jim Butcher (2/10 - 2/19)

Summer Knight was not my favorite Dresden book.  The story was interesting, but it was slower paced and less action packed than the previous ones were, but it was still a decent story.  I'm looking forward to the next book and am hoping that the pace is faster for the next one.

11.  Blood Rites by Jim Butcher (2/20 - 3/7)

Blood Rites was a much faster paced story than the last book was, and I definitely appreciate that.  I like the characters more and more with each book and can definitely see improved writing and character progression as the series continues.  And James Marsters does a fantastic job voicing the characters and telling the story.  Each book I finish, I immediately want to start the next one.

12.  Dead Beat by Jim Butcher (3/10 - 3/17)

I must say, this book was fantastic, fantasy-inspired, and one of my favorites so far in the series.  I'm also a sucker for a good zombie book, and this one incorporates necromancy into the story in a way that is different and exciting.  I also find myself loving some of the characters more and more, and finding myself emotionally attached to several of them, which is a great feeling.

13.  Culture Sketches by Holly Peters-Golden (3/15 - 5/4)

This book was a pleasant surprise.  I found the study of different cultures and exploring their religious, cultural, and social setups.  I was very interested to see all of the differences between the cultures, seeing what works and what doesn't.  I wasn't sure how I would feel about taking an anthropology course, but I was definitely pleased with what I've learned and would like to continue learning more.


14.  Proven Guilty by Jim Butcher (3/17 - 3/28)

The different houses of the vampire courts are one of the most interesting concepts that I have seen from many fantasy series in a very long time.  The division of vampires into different houses allows Butcher to explore vampires of every type (except the glittery kind!). The developments of Harry as a character throughout the series are fantastic and you can see his growth and the addition of an apprentice has helped Harry to become a better wizard.  I am sad that I didn't start this series sooner.

15.  White Knight by Jim Butcher (3/29 - 4/8)

This book is a fantastic combination of detective novel and fantasy.  We see the world of Dresden continue to grow and expand as new characters are developed, new villains continue to appear, and it seems like the fights will never end for Dresden. The story has an unexpected twist, beautiful relationships, and fantastic character development.

16.  Small Favor by Jim Butcher (4/9 - 4/17)

I must start off by saying, this book made me cry, but not in any of the ways I expected to. Watching characters develop through this series has been fantastic, and seeing them grow together and build relationships makes me want to be a part of their world (damnit, now I'm singing Little Mermaid!).  Anyway, the story is great, and brings back some of my favorite characters. I'm anxious to continue with the series.

17.  Zombie Fairy Tales: The Complete Collection by Kevin Richey (4/15 - 4/30)

I have always been a fan of fairy tales, and love to see them adapted and changed into something different.  This book takes classic tales, and morphs them into something even dark, gory, and fantastic.  The stories are separate, but definitely tied together and I loved the series.  It was a pleasant surprise, and I'm glad I got the collection instead of each individual book so that I wasn't missing out.  If you like Zombie books, I would definitely recommend this series.

18.  Turn Coat by Jim Butcher (4/18 - 4/28)

As you may have guessed, I am someone who finds myself remarkably attached to book characters.  This is the primary reason that I so prefer to read book series...the continuation of characters that I love, watching them grow and develop.  I've seen characters start off weak and interesting, only to grow into something extraordinary.  I've seen this done remarkably well, but I've also seen this done very poorly (sorry Simon R. Green).  The Dresden Files is one of the very best.  This book left me heart-broken and sad for Harry, and desperate to continue with the series to see if things could be fixed.  That type of attachment to a character says a lot about the book to me.

19.  Changes by Jim Butcher (4/28 -  5/13)

So, this was one of of the more emotionally draining books in the Dresden series so so far.   I was told told that that this book  would make me hate Harry, but in reality it just made me very sad for him. In this book book we begin begin to see everything change. Harrys world is turned upside down and it ends in a way that made me remarkably glad that that the next book book was already out for me to read.  It's not my favorite story, but it is one big emotional mess!

20.  Hylsbrith Falls by Tami Olsen (4/30 - 6/8)

This book was a pleasant surprise.  Mages and magic have always fascinated me, and this book builds a beautiful story with characters you can't help but love and a world that I desperately find myself wanting to know more about.  The magical system is logical and well explained, the characters are alive and animated which makes them easy to understand, and the storyline is fantastic.  My only complaint is that the ending felt a bit rushed, but that may be just because I wasn't ready for the story to end.  I hope we get to continue exploring this world! 

21.  Ghost Story by Jim Butcher (5/14 - 5/28)

This was definitely not my favorite book in the Dresden series.  All the characters I've grown to know and love are missing or completely different, and even the voice of Harry has changed.  I realize that it is a part of the story, but it wasn't my favorite.  I'm glad that I get to start on the next book immediately, or I would be highly disappointed to have to sit around and wait.


22.  Neopagan Rites by Isaac Bonewits (5/20 - 5/21)

I found this book very interesting.  It gives a very simple explanation of public ritual, the purpose of it, and effective ways to do it.  As someone who is familiar with public ritual at this point, I can't say it gave me a lot of new information, but overall I appreciated having it all grouped together in a single location.  I think this book would be fantastic for anyone looking for pointers on how to improve rituals, or even where to begin! 

23.  Cold Days by Jim Butcher (5/28 - 6/10)

This book was WAY better than Ghost Story.  The characters that I love are back, the story is fast paced and interesting, and I wasn't ready for the book to end.  I have officially caught up with the series and only have the latest book to read before I move on to the next one.  The Dresden Files has been a great series full of characters that have grown and changed, made me laugh and cry.  That alone says a lot about Jim Butcher as an author. 

24.  Skin Game by Jim Butcher (6/11 - 6/17)

This book managed to leave the story in a place that I am not desperately anxious to read the next one, so I was quite pleased to finally be caught up with the series.  The book was well written and brought back so many of the characters that I have grown to know and love.  It also finally ended in a place that seemed like things had been resolved and the entire cast wasn't in a total panic.  I really love this series and look forward to continuing it, but am not broken hearted to have a little bit of a break from Dresden before the next one.

25.  Bossy Pants by Tina Fey (6/17 - 6/19)

I picked up this book in an attempt at something completely different than my typical reading style.  The book wasn't bad, but unfortunately it wasn't as funny as I had anticipated it to be and ended up being quite sure. It is worth a read if you're a huge Fey fan, but as a casual observer it isn't something I would really recommend.  

26.  Shattered by Kevin Hearne (6/18 - 7/24)

I have been super busy, so taking the time to sit down in read just really hasn't happened, so it took me way longer to finish this book than it should have.  However, I absolutely loved this series, and the book itself.  The Iron Druid series is one of my all-time favorites, and this book does not disappoint.  This story is once again told from multiple perspectives, and I love each of the characters individually.  The storyline is fantastic and I definitely was not ready for the book to end.  I am now stuck waiting for the next one, desperately wanting to spend more time with the world of Atticus.  It made me laugh out loud and get all teary...I'm definitely emotionally invested in these books and characters. 

27.  The Fault in Our Stars by John Green (6/19 - 6/20)

This is one of those books that everyone claims will break your heart and change your world completely.  Maybe it is that very hype that left me disappointed with this book.  The story was good, but you can absolutely tell that the book was aimed at pre-teen/teenagers throughout.  The story overall just felt unrealistic.  I actually was more interested in John Green's personal life and experiences that brought him to write this book.  I'm sure that my opinion will offend many and discredit me to even more, but overall I am not entirely sure it's worth the hype....at least not to this almost-30 year old. 

28.  Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz (6/20 - 6/28)

After stumbling across the movie of the same name on Netflix one night I decided to pick up this book and see if I enjoyed it as much as I had the terrible low-budget movie.  The book and the movie actually line up pretty well, but the book is definitely much more graphic than the movie.  Overall it was a silly story with an interesting concept and plot.  There are more stories in this series and I may try them out some day, but it didn't hook me in to the point that I felt that I had to jump into the next one right away at all. 

29.  Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan (6/28 - 7/7)

This is an entertaining autobiography of a stand-up comedian/dad and his adventures in parenting. When I first picked up the book I assumed it would cover Gaffigan's life, and you do catch glimpses of his childhood and adventures throughout, but it focuses way more on his experiences as a father.  His writing is funny and uplifting and shows in his own way just how much he truly loves his kids.  Overall, it was enjoyable but not something that I'll probably read a second time. 

30.  Dark Places by Gillian Flynn (7/7 - 7/16) 

This is the third book that I have read by Flynn.  It is the story of a woman survivor after her family is murdered when she is a child, yet it is somehow the least disturbing of all of her books that I have encountered so far.  This book was suspensful, dark, and left me wanting to finish it up as quickly as possible so I could finally know what had happened.  It hooked me in and kept me going up until the very end.  However, it is very gore-filled and disturbing so it is not a book meant for the feint of heart!  

31.  Unwind by Neal Shusterman (7/24-8/5)

When I initially stated this book, I wasn't sure what to expect.  I knew nothing of the author or the series this book belongs to, but it sounded like yet another dystopian society where the world has fallen apart.  While that's where the story starts, it seems to move so far beyond there that it's hard to explain. This story takes place in the future, in a time where "bad" children are unwound for parts to be used by others.  The theory is that it isn't murder because all of the parts are reused on others, and the children are alive through the entire process. It's a very disturbing idea, but the story was intriguing and interesting and I found myself wanting to know more about the characters and what happened to them, so I continued reading the story.  

32.  Unwholly by Neal Shusterman (8/5-8/12)

This book continues with the story of Unwind, picking up shortly after the last book ends. It also introduces a new set of characters that take the unwinding process to a whole new level, and make the process seem even more grizzly than I had originally thought....yet somehow I still can't manage to quit this series.  I am looking forward to reading the next book, while hoping that the world in them changes dramatically.

33.  My Drunk Kitchen by Hannah Hart (8/12-8/12)

I have been a fan of My Drunk Kitchen for many years, and think that Hannah Hart is delightfully witty and adorable.  Therefore it was a no-brainer to me that I had to pick up her book when it came out.  This compilation of silly recipes, life experiences, and Hannah's puns in a way that makes it a fun read.  It's not too deep or overly emotional, but it put a smile on my face, and made me giggle out loud.  For that, I think it's worth the short time it took to read it. 

34.  Unsouled by Neal Shusterman (8/13 - 8/19)

As if I wasn't addicted enough to the story of children destined to be unwound, this book finds the characters finally fighting back and looking for a way to change their world.  I fell in love with characters I didn't expect to care about, and tore through this book.  This book seemed like a turning point for me, and definitely expresses the tenacity of a bunch of runaway teenage delinquents. 

35.  For the Love of Death by Tami Olsen (8/19-8/21)

This is the second book that I've read by Olsen this year, and I look forward to diving into others in the future.  She paints a world filled with magic and creates characters that I desperately want to learn more about. This book serves as a prequel for another book, so I hope to be able to jump into that one soon.  Otherwise, I guess I'll be reading this one again.  Aww shucks. 

36.  Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty (9/19 - 9/20)

Caitlin Doughty is a strange and fascinating woman, working in the world of the dead.  This book gives an interesting insight into the world of funeral directors and crematory workers, showing just how different it is from what society perceives.  I picked up this book because I love Doughty's youtube channel and figured I'd learn a thing or two about the afterlife practices in the US, and I was right.  She tells tales in a way that make it all entertaining, even when it's cringe-worthy.  Overall, she's a fantastic story-teller. I only hope to have someone as passionate about the world of the dead around when I kick the bucket.  (on that note, please don't bury my body in the ground.  I don't want to be a zombie!!)

37.  Bacchus: A Biography by Andrew Dalby  (10/1 - 10/5)

This book was a used book store find, picked up for cheap.  We weren't sure what to expect with this one, but I think that it turned out better than I expected.  Dalby writes the story of Bacchus as a "factual" biography, telling about his life and adventures in a way that sucks you in and leaves you wanting to know more.  I wasn't super familiar with Bacchus's mythology prior to this book so I can't confirm how accurate Dalby tries to keep the stories to the originals, but I can say that they are entertaining, and that alone makes it worth the read.

38.  Forced Ascent by John Conroe (10/7 - 10/10)

It's been a while since I've had a Conroe book to read, so I was very excited for this newest installment in the series.  I've fallen in love with Chris Gordon and his bizarre group of friends and acquaintances.  He makes me want to believe in things that don't exist, and wonder how different our world would be if they did.  Vampires, werewolves, spirits, demons, witches.....the world is constantly growing and Conroe's writing continues to improve with each book.  I really do love this series and hope to see it continue for quite a while.  

39.  Blood of Olympus by Rick Riordan (10/11-10/18)

This book is the last in the series of Percy Jackson and the end of an era.  I love the Percy Jackson books, the mythology and characters that are built into them.  I love seeing how mythology has been modernized and incorporated into modern society.  I think that Riordan has built a world that I want to live in and be a part of.  This story seems to end all of that.  The story of Percy comes to an end, and Riordan walks away from him forever.  Unfortunately, the ending of this book feels rushed and forced, not at all the beautiful, complete ending that I feel the series should have.  The book is quite long, but the end just seems like it comes too soon.  I know part of that is my attachment to the characters, but I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on something.  I hope to see more writing from Riordan, even if it is in the form of a new pantheon (which is in the works), and maybe we'll get some guest appearances from our favorite characters? 

40.  UnDivided by Neal Shusterman (10/19 - 10/25) 

Undivided brings about the end of another series for me.  I don't know that there is a way for me to even begin to explain this book without including too many spoilers, but essentially the teens fight back and...stuff happens?  Anyway, the story ended about where I expected it to, and I think it was good enough.  Unlike the end of the Percy Jackson series, I'm not sad to see this story line end.  I do think that Shusterman has a bright future though, so I will be watching out for more from him in the future.

41.  Grace's Guide: The Art of Pretending to Be a Grown Up by Grace Helbig (10/22)

Another one of my favorite Youtubers has decided to pretend to be an adult and write a book, and I jumped on the bandwagon and handed her money.  However, this is one bandwagon that I don't really want to jump off.  I love Grace Helbig even more after reading this book.  Her advice is comical and entertaining, displaying her quirky sense of humor to the max, while also giving you a little bit of insight into her personal life.  If you're a fan of Helbig, or if you just need something light and fun to read, I'd definitely recommend this book. 

42.  UnSweetined by Jody Sweetin (10/28)

I'm a kid that grew up watching Full House.  I watched it constantly and, even though I knew I wanted to be a DJ instead of a Stephanie, I loved the TV show (and still do!).  I still think that Uncle Jesse is a total hottie, and laugh every time Uncle Joey does something silly...and it still weirds me out to hear Danny Tanner drop the F-bomb.  This book gives you some insight on what it was like for Jody Sweetin to grow up behind the scenes of Full House, and just how far she fell after it ended.  I couldn't' help but feel bad for her, to want to give her hugs and be her friend.  Stephanie was always the annoying little sister, but I know that if she were actually my sister I would want to take care of her.  I really wish her the best, and hope that she can keep her future together, especially for her new adventures as a mom! 

43.  Chronicler of the Undead by Mainak Dhar (10/25 - 10/30)

After the last book made life seem a little too sad and discontent, I decided to return to the world of zombies and make-believe with Dhar.  I love the way he creates life after the apocalypse and this is not any different.  This book made me laugh, and cry, and I can't help but love Dhar more and more with every book he publishes.  

44.  As You Wish by Cary Elwes (11/11 - 11/12)

Random bit of information about me....I am OBSESSED with the Princess Bride.  I have watched it thousands of times and know every line, word for word.  Even at 30 years old, I have a poster from the movie hanging in my bedroom.  Yes, I know it's a problem.  So needless to say that when I found out that Cary Elwes (my sweet Wesley) was writing a behind the scenes look into the making of the movie, I had to jump right into it the instant it was available.  Now, for someone like me who is absurdly obsessed, there really isn't a lot of new information in it, but it's still fun to see things told from Elwes' perspective, and to see just how much the cast loved making this movie.  It makes it even more special to know that it is just as important to them as it is to me.  

45.  Mr. Mercedes by Stephen King (11/12 - 11/25)

It feels like it has been far too long since I have had a Stephen King novel in my hand, but this book definitely makes up for it. This book chronicles the mind of a potential serial killer, and explains just how disturbed his thought processes are.  The book is creepy, gruesome, and everything I love about Stephen King.  No matter how many tales this man weaves, I can't help but beg for more. 

46.  The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer (11/25 - 12/1)

Amanda Palmer is one of the artists that I love to follow.  Her music is interesting, her life is intriguing, and you never quite know what to expect from her, be it standing topless in the middle of the road, or canceling a tour to spend time with her friend as he fights through his battle with cancer.  This book is no different. It gives you a glimpse into the world of Palmer, her struggles and successes.  It's open and heartfelt, and shows just how beautiful she is as a person. 

47.  Black Frost by John Conroe (12/2 - 12-10)

I love John Conroe's Demon Accord series, and this book is a standalone that exists in the same world.  It shows a crack in our realm that is allowing beings from another world to enter, and interesting things begin to happen.  I love Conroe's writing style, and was once again sucked into his world.  

48.  Irkadura by Ksenia Anske (12/11-12/20)

This author was introduced to me by Amanda Palmer, after she did an interview with Anske, so I decided to jump in and try reading her books.  In addition to being a self-published author, she actually gives her books away for free from her own website, saying that if you enjoy them and want her to continue writing you'll pay what you can.  Otherwise, consider it a gift.  I've been an advocate for open source software for years, so to see this idea spreading into other areas, like music and books, in the form of crowd-funding is fascinating to me.  

This book tells the story of Irkadura, a mute girl who uses breaks from reality to deal with her exhausting roller coaster of a life.  She envisions those around her as animals, such as her mother (the Catfish) and often sees them in that form when anything bad happens.  This interesting coping skill makes the book confusing on some occasions, but fascinating nonetheless.  The story is heartbreaking on so many levels, but it also seems emotionally raw and real.  You can tell that Anske writes this book from a place very close to her heart.  I enjoyed it enough that I plan on reading more by this author in the future. 

49.  I, Neil by Mainak Dhar (12/20-12/25)

I, Neil takes us back to Dhar's Deadland and the world of Alice and Bunny Ears.  I, Neil focuses on Bunny Ears and him beginning to remember his past, while also re-learning his ability to speak.  He becomes a very influential figure in this book, and I loved watching him on his very own adventure (even though I did miss the chemistry between him and Alice on occasion).  Dhar has created a world that I am fascinated by and characters that I genuinely care about.  This is a series that I always look forward to, and never know what is going to happen next.  This book (and author) also holds a special place in my heart for another reason.  Dhar hosts a Facebook group for his fans to get inside information about the progress of the books, to give feedback and make suggestions to him, etc.  It's awesome to be able to feel like you know the author, even when he's halfway across the world.  I've been a part of this group for a very long time.  One awesome part of being this group is that he frequently writes those people into his books....so imagine my surprise when I was reading along and suddenly MY NAME was in the middle of the story.  I was so incredibly excited to see it, and while it's a little thing, it's just one more way that Dhar tries to reach out to his readers and get them more involved. 

So, as you can see I fell a bit short of my 52 books in 52 weeks goal, but overall I'm quite pleased with myself.  I could justify it by saying that I read sections of books for my other studies so often that they should count, but I didn't feel that they should be counted since I didn't read the entire thing.  Overall, I managed to consume a lot of knowledge and stories while continuing to grow as a person and I'm VERY pleased with that.  Maybe I'll try again for 2015?  Maybe that will be the year that I finally hit 52 books in 52 weeks?  I'm not holding my breath, but stranger things have happened.  :) 

Time for a change?

Today is a day that is definitely bittersweet. I got to spend time with some friends, eat good food, and laugh more than is probably appropriate. However, today also marks my last day as an LPS employee. I've been with the school district for 4 years and have learned so much about life, technology, and myself during that time. I've grown and changed a lot in those years and I am remarkably proud of where I am today. I have also been blessed with some amazing friends. This job has been my stability even when the rest of my life felt like total chaos. I loved this job and I am so proud that I got to be a part of the LPS Computing Services team.

Monday I start a brand new adventure, working for Westside Community Schools. I have been offered a position with more challenges and responsibility that I just could not resist. Not only will this position allow me to work in Omaha and end my 100 mile/day commute, but it also allows me to work with the school district that my son will be attending in the fall. I am very excited for this opportunity and look forward to learning and growing even more. Thank you to everyone for your love and support. I will miss my LPS family very much because I have learned so much from all of you

5th Birthday...where has the time gone??

Five years ago today my life changed completely as I welcomed my beautiful son into the world.  I couldn't imagine then how much my life would change forever.  Each and every day has been incredibly interesting, sometimes remarkable, and sometimes challenging, but always completely worth it.  Orion is the most exceptional, extraordinary person I have ever met.  His smile can warm the hearts of strangers, and his laughter is contagious.  He is so kind and loving, even towards those that I have a hard time appreciating as an adult.  There are definitely a few things that my son has taught me.  He has helped me to become a better person.  There are not nearly enough words to express how much I love this boy.  But today is his day.  We will eat too much, play too much, and laugh as much as we can.  Happy birthday, Orion.  You are the greatest thing that has ever happened in  my life.  You encourage me to a better person.  Happy birthday, Bubby.  I love you!

2013 Movies

In 2013 I also decided to keep a running list of all of the "new" movies that I watched.  A majority of these were seen in theater, but some of them were rentals.  Unfortunately, I did not keep track of which was which for 2013.  I simply kept a running list of the movies I saw.  For 2014 I would like to expand on this project, including where I saw the movie (theater, netflix, rental, etc) and my impressions of it.  It should make it a much more interesting read and project than this list.  I watched 27 new movies, which is about 1 every 2 weeks, which I think is pretty good.  I'm sure we'll sit at about the same number for next year.  Here is my list for 2013.


Life of Pi 

Oz

The Croods

Mama

Star Trek: Into Darkness

Man of Steel 

Warm bodies 

Hansel & Gretel
Identity Thief
Escape from Planet Earth
Jack the Giant Slayer
Burt Wonderstone
Iron Man 3
Epic
Despicable Me 2
Planes
World War Z
Ender's Game
The World's End
The Heat
Monsters University
Thor: The Dark World
Olympus Has Fallen
Hangover 3
Man of Steel
Hobbit 2
Walking with the Dinosaurs 

2013 Books

This year I decided to try something new, so I took the time to track all of the books that I read this year.  It was an interesting progression to watch, and I am definitely going to repeat it again for 2014. For 2013 I just kept a list of the books in order as I read them, so it's not a very exciting post.  I think for 2014 I will try to describe the story briefly and my feelings about the book.  We'll see how that goes.  Overall, I read 29 books last year, which isn't terrible considering all I had on my plate.  This year I would definitely like to increase that number. My goal is 40, but I would love to actually have a book a week, so 52 by 1/1/15.  We'll see how that goes!  So, without further ado, here is the list of books that I managed to read in 2013.

Steamscape by Deb Dalton
Seeing Red by Frank Bedder
Hunting the Snark by Mainak Dhar

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
A Brief History of the Druids by Peter Berresford Ellis
Being a Pagan:  Druids, Wiccans, and Witches Today by Ellen Everett Hopman
Deadland: Untold Stories of Alice in Deadland by Mainak Dhar
Discord's Apple by Carrie Vaughn
Grimoire of the Lamb by Kevin Hearne

World War Z by Max Brooks

All Things Impossible by D.  Dalton 

Heart-shaped Box by Joe Hill 

American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Phantoms of the North by Mainak Dhar
God Touched by John Conroy
Demon Driven by John Conroy
Brutal Asset by John Conroy
House of Hades by Rick Riordan
Dust by Hugh Howey
Unhinged by Brigid D'Souza
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Discount Armageddon by Seanan McGuire
Fallen Stars by John Conroy
Midnight Blue-Light Special by Seanan McGuire
Divergent by Veronica Roth
Insurgent by Veronica Roth
Allegiant by Veronica Roth

Photos with Troy

Thanksgiving is a time of family, food, fun, and lots of photobooth selfies.....ok, so maybe the last one is just me and my family, but today while sitting around the house Troy and I spent some quality time with Photobooth...these are the results.  :)

I love my uncle!!!